So, everyone knows that newspapers are doing really badly. And everyone also knows that there is A LOT of news happening out there in the world. I don't condone ignoring everything in an effort to be less confused, but perhaps we can all just get a bit more conscious of what we are eye-gesting and where it comes from. I will never give up my Sunday New York Times (crossword puzzle and T) but perhaps I don't need to get the paper every day. It clogs my recycle bin and despite all of the free time I have to read it front to back, it's not responsible so lucky me, the internet is like a frat party for news. You can talk to the really smart girl who's not as attractive or the cheap girl with a nice rack. This analogy really makes no sense, but I am going with it. Anyway, organizing internet bookmarks into folders that you can then focus on during certain parts of your day will help you avoid wasting 3 hours reading some asinine crap. For example, in the morning, read news. In the afternoon, visit job sites (seriously, look at all of those internships). At night, read "entertaining" blogs while you're watching crap tv   (seriously, Tyra's bat crap crazy). If you are lacking excellent online reading material, ask friends what blogs read. 

I finally fixed the comment function, so if you could please tell me what websites you read, I would appreciate it. I have a lot of time to kill. But not this much. 

Walk it out.

Several people in numerous cities have mentioned the fact that they're partaking in local walking tours as a form of cheap entertainment, mild exercise and in order to get better acquainted with their locale. My favorite source for all things bay-area food related, tablehopper, mentioned her love for these tours in this week's e-column so I thought I'd share the idea with you too. Here's a link to San Francisco City Guide, which has tours such as "Haight & Ashbury," "Pacific Heights Mansions" (probably really hilly!), "Ferry Building" and more. Live in New York? Chicago? Los Angeles? As you can see, I know how to Google things. Please feel free to do this for your own city.

Getting springy with it.

I'm sorry for the stupid Will Smith reference, I really am. However, it's hella sunny and you don't have a job. I say this is a perfect opportunity to ignore all of my aforementioned advice for responsibility and keeping busy in favor of a more flippant form of amazing fun times. Where is the nearest park? What is your favorite six pack? Do you like champagne? Are your friends able to call in sick? Do you have a bike? Are you reading a good book? Can your other unemployed friends join you? Do you have a watering hole like this one nearby? If so, please ignore Craigslist and Linked in today. Please don't even look at your bank account, budget, resume, list of chores or even your gym membership. Just go outside and chill out. However, if none of your friends can ditch their jobs today, maybe wait to open the six pack until later so you're not 109 sheets to the wind by the time they get off work. Nah mean?

Pinata party.

This past weekend I attended a party which was themed "MEXICAN POTLUCK!" It was a great time and we ingested many delicious treats and a few adult beverages. Above you will likely see with your eyes a photo of a green person (s/he was slimed!) next to a beautiful bird. This bird is filled with candy, mini bottles of tequila and some other items for laughs. Some good friends jovially contributed him to the potluck, how did they know we wanted mini-candy for dessert?

I am telling you about this should you be interested in filling some of your free time dedicated to the creation of your own pinata. What could be more fun than supplying your friends with a few hearty swings? It was also discovered that it is great for the job-free to get out some of their angst and inner turmoil by swinging a stick maniacally at a paper bird whilst blindfolded. Here are your directions:

1. Inflate a/some balloon(s). You can use strong double sided tape to connect them in order to make a THORAX, if you will. You can add additional shapes like tails, noses, hats, arms, legs etc. with cardboard (paper towel innards work well!). Use not toooo much clear tape to bind everything together into a cute shape. Tie a string around one or the only balloon knot.

2. Before you start pasting, make sure you have a nice area covered in a tarp or newspaper. Don't want daddy (or mommy) to yell at you for accidentally paper mache'ing the floor.

3. Make some paste! In a big pot, mix 1 part flour and 2 parts water. Those parts can be quarts, pints, whatever you want. Whisk the ingredients together (you're not making soup!) and heat them on medium for about 3 mins until it's almost thick. Remove from heat and the pot and store in a large bowl. 

4. Start tearing newspaper into strips that are about an inch wide. You want to get these wicked goopy by "dredging" them in your paste. Have you ever made fried chicken? It's like that, but don't eat it. Instead, you want to cover the balloon beast with a thick layer of these pastey strips. You will want to do this methodically so you know for sure all three layers have been applied. Be sure you are keeping track of the string. Let it sit for awhile and get all dry and hard.

5. Decorate! It's fun to use that tempra paint stuff that they sell at Wallgreens. You can also glue crepe paper on it to make eyeballs and other stuff like that. Or you can make a generic newspaper ghost. Up to you, dude!

6. Using a serrated knife, cut a rectangular flap around the string/knot. Use this hole to fill it with candy, amazing treats, cute little thingies and anything else you'd like to include. Tape the flap shut when you're done. 

7. Now you just have to find a stick and a nice place to hang it by a rope. Then get friends to be blindfolded and blindly (obvs) swing at it until the contents dumps gleefully all over the ground.

Here's a video! I haven't watched it, so I hope it's accurate.

Travel by train.

Okay, not that kind of subway. I was thinking more along the lines of massive exploration via local train/bus. I live in San Francisco, a city which includes TONS of various means of public transportation. For example, there are at least 20 bus routes on which I have never ridden. There are also numerous neighborhoods I have yet to explore. I recently found myself with not a single thing I HAD to do, so I hopped on a MUNI train at a given point on it's route and rode it until it ended. I hopped off, grabbed some hot chocolate (it was freezing!), took a few photos and hopped back on. While I was in parts of town with which I was familiar, I read my book. When it was unfamiliar, I just looked out the window and I stayed on until it ended on the other side of town. It was quiet, I got through a book I was reading, I saw much of this amazingly, insanely, over the top beautiful city, I took some notes about restaurants I have been meaning to visit and it only took a buck fifty out of my pocket. Solid day time activity. 

Cheap thrills.

Do you live in San Francisco? Are you poor? If so, you have a chance to celebrate your job freedom on a school night at the Hemlock. The Onion is hosting a stand up comedy event called "Sad Broke and Scared." Beer and whiskey is free while it lasts. Email sfpromo@theonion.com with Decider Night RSVP in the subject line. Include your name in the body of the email. 

NEATO!

An artist's everything.

I suggest doing/watching/reading/listening to someone's everything. Read every book by a certain author. Watch every movie directed by or staring a certain person. Ask your most artistically sound friend to make you CDs of songs by their favorite artist. In short, broaden your horizons. Taking in all of this EVERYTHING will make you feel smart, keep you from watching The View and will give you things to talk about when you get out of your pajamas to attend happy hours and the like. Here are some of my personal recommendations:

• Actor: OK, you might think I am joking but I think you should watch every movie staring Angelina Jolie. But seriously, she's in some good stuff. I don't recommend going pre-Hackers but her catalog spans the spectrum from period pieces like The Good Shepherd, to action movies like Gone in Sixty Seconds (with grossy McCagey) and Wanted, to dramatic awesomeness like Girl, Interrupted and GIA. And she's easy on them eyes.
• Director: If you're not familiar with the work of Nicole Holofcenter, please look into it. Not only has she directed episodes of Six feet Under and Sex and the City, but her movies Walking and Talking, Lovely & Amazing and Friends with Money are very much worth watching. 
• Author: I have a problem with book and author collecting. I get obsessed with reading the work of certain writers and I can't stop. Some of those I recommend are: Augusten Burroughs, Bret Easton Ellis, Alice Sebold, Douglas Coupland, James Frey and John Irving. These are mainstream authors whose books you can find used on the internet with almost zero problem. Or I can be a good citizen and lend you my copies. Just ask. 
• Musician: I highly recommend the work of someone named Blake Schwarzenbach. He has been in bands called Jawbreaker and Jets to Brazil. Once upon a time I addressed how I felt about his music on another blog. You can read about it here. 

Regardless of which artists you choose, just invest in it. Maybe they have a biography. If this obsession doesn't tickle your fancy, maybe you can just stalk a crush on the internet. That's a fine way to pass a few days.