Booty Camping.

So, this whole "get buff" aspect of being job-free has it's highs and lows. On one hand we have all of the time in the world to exercise but on the other, some stuff is expensive! Also, there are lots of other fun things to do with your time. It's getting to be globally warm all over the place, so I am trying to think of an economical way means by which to camp your booty at a park, a few good men style, assuming you can handle the truth. P.S. if you live in San Francisco, have you seen those "Train Outdoors." cards that seem to be strewn about the city? I almost think they are using "littering" as a form of guerilla marketing. Lame.

So, here are my suggestions on a DIY boot camp:

1. Find a park and preferably a buddy who is also job-free. I would suggest coming up with a list in advance outlining your routine. I hate that "I don't know what I am going to do so I'm going to go home" feeling. Be prepared.

2. Get your warm-up out of the way by walking QUICKLY to the park with your buddy. 

3. Is there a tennis court? You can sprint back and forth on it. If not, take the sidewalk on one edge of the park and do sprints. I played b-ball in high school and there were these things we did regularly called SUICIDES. They are gnarly. On a tennis court you can start at a short end, sprint to the closest mid-line, go back, sprint to the net, go back, sprint to the far side mid-line, go back, sprint to the far end line, go back. Word? Sprint one, jog one, sprint one, jog one. Ouch!

4. Jumping jacks and "body builders" are more hard core than you'd think. There's a little animated weird thing here that I found. My ex-trainer once told me that these body builder things are what people do in jail and we know how buff jail birds are.

5. Squats are pretty much hell on earth but are also really amazing for making your butt like a peach. Who doesn't want a peach butt? You can also do a lunges version of the suicides. 

6. Is there a jungle gym at your park? Or a bench? Put your feet on a bench and do sit ups for like an hour. Just kidding. But you can do pushups (plank position) and situps using a bench while trying to avoid dog poops. 

I plan on doing this tomorrow at a never to be named park so no one can come laugh at me passing out on the grass after ten minutes. Baby steps, y'all.

Walk it out.

Several people in numerous cities have mentioned the fact that they're partaking in local walking tours as a form of cheap entertainment, mild exercise and in order to get better acquainted with their locale. My favorite source for all things bay-area food related, tablehopper, mentioned her love for these tours in this week's e-column so I thought I'd share the idea with you too. Here's a link to San Francisco City Guide, which has tours such as "Haight & Ashbury," "Pacific Heights Mansions" (probably really hilly!), "Ferry Building" and more. Live in New York? Chicago? Los Angeles? As you can see, I know how to Google things. Please feel free to do this for your own city.

Namaste!

Let's be honest, some parts of being job free aren't as chic as others. If you're human, you will stress out and sometimes that will lead to a bad mood or perhaps you will accidentally eat a bag of cashews while watching American Idol (Adam Lambert is my new gay boyfriend). That will make you feel gross when you wake up the next morning. Today (thanks, em!) I found that Yoga is a great way to (a) feel less nutty in the gut (OOH!) and (b) less grumpy. One issue with trying to keep up with such activities while unemployed is moolah. Here are some thoughts on how you may be able to contort your bodies into fun shapes for relatively little dough:

• Community classes: Many yoga centers have classes throughout the week that only require a donation. For example, in San Francisco Laughing Lotus has a series of classes at 2:30pm Monday through Thursday. These are donation based and I believe all of the money goes to a local charity. This is what I call killing two bucket birds with one stone!
• Yoga to the People: This is a studio which hosts strictly donation based classes. They have locations in New York and Berkeley. I am sure with a quick google search (see above), you can find inexpensive classes in your 90210. 
• Free Podcasts: I discovered these the other day whilst perusing ITunes. There are tons of these available for subscription so that you can do yoga in your bedroom (and/or in your undies!) I just found this site which offers a whole bunch of podcasts and tutorials with helpful images to assist in proper execution. Not in a murdery way, though.
• Cable TV: So cable isn't free, but if you're using it to get buff, it is serving multiple purposes. If you wake up early (it's good for you, sometimes) I guarantee that there will be no fewer than 5 variations on the yoga TV show. Some are set on the beach, others are hosted by bald men in stretchy pants who listen to Sting, and yet others still are geared towards more elderly viewers. In my opinion that's both a blessing and a curse, I don't like being out stretched by grandmas. No offense. 
• Volunteer: I am going out on a limb here, but I am thinking that some places would likely trade an hour or two of classes if you have some skill you can offer them. Maybe you are a marketing maven and can bring in 10 new members, clean the bathrooms or work the front desk for a few days?

Anyway, I am hopeful that these suggestions will bring you inner peace, fill some serious free time and kill those random jobless grumpies that pop up from time to time. Namaste.

Getting seriously buff.

Ok, not that buff. But seriously, when I was 18 I went to four hours of basketball practice per night and I had no other choice in the matter, as stoner kid didn't fit with my wardrobe. Since then I have never had adequate time with which to spend on my bod. Years of desk sitting will (a) spread your ass out and (b) make you convinced that you need a 1,000 calorie mid-day meal consisting of Chinese buffet or large cheese filled sandwich. Neither are awesome. Thus, I feel that all of this time spent not working can be filled with LOTS of kinds of buffing. The first and most obvious suggestion is, WALK EVERYWHERE! You're not going to be late if you leave early enough, so hoof it.

The second is...DON'T BE MAD....go on some weird diet. Like a juice fast, or be vegan for a week. Or only eat clear soups and grapefruits. These are things that are next to impossible when you work in a "downtown," as that is code word for "every kind of lunch you can imagine right at your fingertips." Not only are you downtown, but you have coworkers who will question you to death about WHY THE EFF YOU WANT TO GET SKINNY WITHOUT THEM. Also, contrary to popular belief, you wont die. I swear. One time I didn't eat anything but light beige liquids for 5 days and although my eyeballs turned a weird color, I didn't die. Why not just try it? 

For the record, I have way way way better ideas for sustained buff gathering that I will be sharing shortly. Truth be told, I had a couple of (free) beverages with a pal from the aforementioned basketball days and this seemed like the most controversial thing to share with you this evening.